TO's, the Breakfast of Not Quite Champions

So TO is releasing a regional breakfast cereal in upstate New York this fall. Can you guess what they named it? If you guessed Flakey Teammate Flakes, you're wrong. If you went with TO's then congratulations you have the creativity of the team of monkeys hired to do the creative work on this cereal. It is in fact short for Honey Nut Toasted Oats. Judging by the fact that it's Terell Owens' cereal, I would think the following aspect must be true:

1) It'll start off great, but get soggy really fast

2) On the shelf, it will get stale and angry

3) When pouring it, lots of O's will get dropped on the floor

4) The box will fall over and spill unless positioned in the middle of your table.

5) The cereal expires in the 3rd quarter

Yahoo's Shutdown Corner Blog reports that the cereal comes from a PLB sports - a specialised food marketing company. I guess they pretty much ahve the monopoly on sports food hybrids. PLB sports bring us great products like: Wayne Chrebet Crunch, Ed McCaffrey spicy mustard, Big Ben Beef jerky, and many more. Check out their site, they are after all, the number one source for premier, athlete-endorsed quality food products.

Leave it to Ze Germans: Dissolvable Bikini Invented

Germans used to be great at technological advances in fields like rocketry, flight, and killing people; now they've turned their attention to advances that will far outweigh those of the past century in terms of their contribution to the culture of the world. I introduce to you the Dissolvable Bikini. Louis Reard, inventor of the bikini, is a very very proud man looking down from the bikini party in the sky.

Ze Germans really outdid themselves with this sleak, stylish two-piece suit that disintegrates almost immediately upon entry to the water. Give it a few seconds and the wearer is completely exposed to the elements (as if the bikini provided any protection before). The Germans are marketing the item as the perfect way for a boyfriend to pull a prank on an ex. Classic. But women's rights campaigner Rosmarie Zapfl claims, "It is an absolute insult to women that this has been invented." To her I say, you know what Zapfl? Shut yo mouth, foo!

I think the Germans havne't realized the full prank-pulling capabilities of this suit! What if someone handed them out free on the boardwalk and then sat back and watched the show? Or perhaps sneak them into department stores and just leave them on the racks. The dissolvable bikinis are being sold on the German revenge website http://www.blogger.com/www.racheshop.de in sizes 34 and 36 in a thong version and 38, 40, and 42 with bikini bottoms.

I Love It When They Call Me Big Papi

Big Papi is the latest associated with steroid use but do we care anymore?The report was the result of a test in 2003 where over one hundred players tested positive. Here is the 2003 MLB Allstar team. Who else is going to show up on that list?

American League:

Carlos Delgado, Roy Halladay, Vernon Wells, Melvin Mora, Manny Ramirez, Nomar, Varitek, Matsui, Posada, Alfanso Soriano, Jason Giambi, Roger Clemens, CC Sabathia, Mike Sweeney, Dimitri Young, Eddie Guardado, Carl Everett, Esteban Loaiza, Magglio Ordonez, Troy Glaus, Garret Anderson, Brendan Donnelly, Keith Foulke, Ramon Hernandez, Mark Mulder, Barry Zito, Edgar Martinez, Ichiro, Bret Boone, Jamie Moyer, Shigetoshi Hasegawa, Alex Rodriguez, Hank Blalock

National League:

Marcus Giles, 2B, Javy Lopez, C, and Gary Sheffield, Rafael Furcal, SS, Andruw Jones, OF, John Smoltz, Russ Ortiz, Jose Vidro, Mike Lowell, Dontrelle Willis, Luis Castillo, Armando Benitez, Randy Wolf, Billy Wagner, Richie Sexson, Geoff Jenkins, Albert Pujols, Edgar Renteria, Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds, OF, Woody Williams, Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, Mike Williams, Aaron Boone, Kevin Brown, P, Paul Lo Duca, C, and Eric Gagne, Barry Bonds, Jason Schmidt,
Rondell White,Todd Helton, Shawn Chacon, and Preston Wilson

A lot of these names jump out at me as flash in the pan players that year and were never the same. Preston Wilson was unstoppable that year but couldn't quite put up those numbers the following years. Nomar Garciaparra fell way off around that time after being one of the dominant players in the league for a few years around that time. I thought he was Boston's equivelent to Derek Jeter but injuries sidelined his career. Hank Blalock destroyed me that year in fantasy baseball so I made sure I picked him up in 2004. Too bad his numbers dropped off the table and was never the same.

Todd Helton has been a name tossed around in the Denver area as a steroid user. If his name comes out the city of Denver will probably stop watching baseball altogether.

What to do with all the Brett Favre Vikings Jerseys

Just when you thought I was done talking about Brett Favre - I find this from the Minnesota Post about all these Brett Favre jerseys in China, the catch is that they are Vikings jerseys, RUH ROH! The article is several days old, so the jerseys serve as an anticipation of Favre joining the Vikings for the 2009 season. But now we know he won't be - so Reebok just contracted a ton of Brett Vikings jerseys to be made for nothing! It seems like this is an indicator of how "sure" Favre's signing was, or how close they came to sealing the deal.

Among the things pointed out by this article is that Chinese companies often do this type of thing - getting contracted to make 10,000 jerseys they will make 11,000 and keep 1,000 to sell without the orderer's permission - black market style. So turns out you can get a decent NFL authentic jersey for around $16 in China - as opposed to as much as $259.00 on nflshop.com. Way to be NFLshop...

Now I guess there will be a massive amount of Brett Favre number 4's running around China, with no real buyers there. Appanrently the NBA (courtesy of Yao Ming) is big there, but nobody really cares about NFL or NHL jerseys. And of course the jerseys can be released to Americans who want to buy one as a novelty. You'll just have to get yours by traveling to Shanghai, sorry.

Brett Favre Wastes Days of My Life That I Can Never Have Back

Brett Favre has decided, after many months of deliberation, that he will waste moments of your life that you can never hope to have back. Your life has shortened by the number of days it took Brett to decide to remain retired. Now that he has decided not to play for the Minnesota Vikings this upcoming season, you may return to a productive life and read real sports news without his pesky face popping up.

After delaying his decision for three months while waiting for his shoulder to heal, Favre did the most damage to the Vikings orginization. Though I feel cheated of my life, I imagine the Vikes feel like they got depantsed in the 7th grade cafeteria at lunch time. I can only assume they thought Brett was a done deal to come in and sign - what with the reports of Favre's friends booking hotel rooms during the season for weekends against Green Bay and such. Now the Vikings are left with Tavaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels and one hand covering their collective crotches.

Favre, who entered the NFL around the time that Louis and Clark were exploring the newly purchased Northwest Territory, is turning 40 soon and is coming off surgery that may affect his abilities as the season progresses. Instead of joining the Vikes, Favre will join Oak Grove High School - where his nephew is going to be a senior. He said that he will continue to work with the high schoolers, but that his throwing is not practice for a NFL comeback.

Most of the Vikings players were surprised by this move. Some of them even texted Favre and Coach Brad Childress to ask if the news reports were true or not. Vikings players will begin arriving in Mankato for training camp on Wednesday, with a mandatory reporting day of Thursday and the first practice on Friday. They must decide between Tavaris, who may not actually be able to throw the ball at all, and Sage Rosenfels, who can barely walk let alone escape pocket pressure.

Pittsburgh Pirates Will Lose To Keep Fans Paying Full Price

In a well-conceived PR move, the Pittsburgh Pirates front office decided that for every run scored this past weekend, $1 would be discounted from each cheap-seat ticket to the upcoming home series against the Washington Nationals. The $24 tickets to the home stand at PNC park would've been steeply discounted based on the Pirates performance against the Arizona Diamondbacks. The idea was great and generated some good buzz until the hapless Pirates got shut out over 18 innings...

You know your team sucks when they torpedo their own marketing efforts. Losing 7-0 and 9-0 doesn't do anything for team morale either. The Pirates couldn't muster a single run to give the fans even a $1.00 discount, let alone 4 or 5 as was planned for. No, instead Pittsburgh pulled the sneaky double bluff, losing two straight and pissing on the only way they were going to sell those tickets to see the Washington Nationals. Who will want to come see full-priced games against the Nats? I'm going out on a limb and saying very few.

With the promise of discounted tickets down the drain, and two of the worst teams in Major League Baseball prepping for a long series, I foresee dismal things to come in terms of attendence numbers at PNC Park. The Pirates better start thinking of more creative schemes like: All-you-can-eat hot dog night, Pirate hat/eye-patch giveaway night, Barry Bonds Steroid-Starter Kit Night, Attend-a-Pirates-Game-for-a-Chance-to-Win-Steelers-Tix Night, or maybe just handwritten apologies from team members to the fans night.

Vick Spends 1st Night of Freedom Mauling Sweater Puppies

Michael Vick finally got his freedom back earlier this week. So what to do first? Hit up a strip club with Allen Iverson? BANGARANG! Michael and AI were spotted at the Atlantis strip club in Virginia Beach, VA on Monday night. PETA and Roger Goodell would be none to happy to hear that Vick was ravaging sweater puppies left and right all night. However, if I were in jail for over a year and then on house arrest, the strip joint would probably be the first place you'd find me too. Pacman Jones on the other hand, goes there before he gets arrested.

I'm just glad that Vick is mauling a different kind of puppy now that he's been reformed. I'm glad that his pals like Allen Iverson are there for him too! Vick had been imprisioned since being sentenced for hosting and participating in an underground dog fighting ring. He was suspended from the NFL and is still waiting to meet with commissioner Roger Goodell to decide his playing fate. The NFL commish has the final say on whether or not he'll be reinstated to the league and that hearing will occur within the next week.

A club DJ said, “Monday’s are crazy here, it’s amateur night, and it’s packed." He checked with a few of the dancers about whether or not Vick and Iverson were present Monday and said, “yup, both of them were here. It’s the first place I’d want to go as a free man, too.” Here's a link to The Big Lead who broke the story. Vick is denying that he was at the strip club altogether to the AP. Why not just declare that 'hell yes i've gone two years without any motorboating and I wanted some titties!' I'm surprised that Samuel L Jackson isn't somehow involved in this story...

ESPN Takes Their Ball, Goes Home

ESPN decided that they didn't want to play anymore. The network banned anyone from the New York Post from appearing on any of its programming on Wednesday. ESPN senior vice president of communications Chris LaPlaca said, "NY Post weren't playing fair! They were meanie heads and I'm going home!!" This came after the NY Post published photos this week taken from a video showing sideline reporter Erin Andrews nude in a hotel room. When asked if ESPN and NY Post will ever play again, LaPlaca said, "They have to stop being turd burglers and give me back my hat! They suck! WAAHHHhhhhh."

Actually, the NY Post did pull a pretty dick move. Publishing voyeuristic, peeping tom photos of a journalist in her hotel room in a nationally read publication can only be defined as asshattery. I guess they must be having a hard time selling papers in this economy. Naked photos always move papers, see Page 3 girls courtesy of The Sun in England (NSFW). But publishing naked pictures of someone who was filmed without their consent, as Erin Andrews was, is weak.

Recently, video came out of Erin Andrews, walking around nude in a hotel room. It turns out there were multiple videos filmed at more than one hotel location. This means there is a serial peeping Tom out there who has made the effort to "tap" Erin's room more than once. Now the concern is that the culprit could be an ESPN employee. Whatever the case may be, Andrews' camp is trying to squash out all links and uploads of the videos and prosecute anyone who posts them against Erin's will. ESPN is playing their big brother role by stomping out anyone who posts pics of their gal.

The Post was one of several networks and newspapers that showed images from the video. Andrews plans to seek criminal charges and file civil lawsuits against the person who shot the video and anyone who publishes the material, attorney Marshall Grossman said. The blurry, five-minute video shows Andrews walking about her room naked, fixing her hair in the mirror and admiring her sweet, sweet ass. I feel bad for Erin that it got made and upset that the NY Post would stoop that low for sales, but the real bad guy is whoever was peverted enough to drill holes and plant cameras in Erin's hotel room.

Getafe FC Don BK Sponsored Jerseys, Celebrate Like Kings

Spanish La Liga club, Getafe FC have got new sponsorship and new kits for the upcoming season. Their major sponsor for the 09/10 season is Burger King, or in Spanish: Rey de Hamburguesa. As part of the BK sponsorship the brand new soccer jerseys will be emblazoned with Burger King's logo. However, there is a hidden surprise for lucky goal scorers. Flip the hem of the shirt up and over your head and you can celebrate as the King himself. The shirt-flip celebration is a popular one in European football and leave it to BK to think up the King's face inside the jersey!




"This was a partnership destined to happen," said Elías Diaz of Burger King Spain. "This is a club with commitment and passion. Burger King's values of fun, fidelity and authenticity identify with the spirit of Getafe and their unconditional passion." This is just another really creative marketing piece from BK, like their BK cologne from last winter.

Burger King even provides instructions to the Getafe players. Similar to the marketing work that is done in the US for BK. Roughly translated the instructions are:

1. Remove official Getafe FC jersey from Burger King bag.
2. Put on your jersey when you want to feel like a star.
3. Shoot and score a goal.
4. Prepare to celebrate.
5. Show everyone the King within you.

Oscar Mayer Tries Out Kool Aid Marketing Scheme..

By smashing the Weinermobile through the front of a Wisconsin home, a la Kool Aid Man. The new marketing strategy was put into motion on Friday, July 17th. when the hot dog on wheels was passing through the small town of Mount Pleasant, 35 miles south of Milwaukee. The driver crashed through the deck and front wall of a home screaming, "OHH YEEEEAAAHHH!" Also, the Weinermobile was unable to pass completely through the front wall like the super charged Kool Aid Man does. The sausage became lodged in the house, unable to back out.


Unfortunately, nobody was home at the time of the Weiner-smashing. I can only assume, the Hotdoggers (name of the sad souls that man the vehicle) leapt from the Weinermobile clutching hot dogs and plastic whistles only to find no children at home playing video games or building legos. The whole thing was for nought as instead of spreading hot doggy joy, they were met with silence.


Police said the Weinermobile took a wrong turn down a dead-end street in the small Wisconsin neighborhood. The driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It is unclear if the sausage has been pulled out as of yet.

What is Par For a 850 Mile-Long Golf Course?

It's apparently 71. That's the par score for a course that stretches 850 miles along the southern coast of Australia. The course is called Nullarbor Links and it takes about four days to play all 18 holes - depending on how fast you'd like to play. After paying the mere $50.00 Australian dollar green fees, you begin your round in Ceduna in South-Central Australia and end approximately 96 hours later in Kalgoorlie to the West.
The 850 mile course length mean an average driving amount of around 47 miles between holes, so bring some extra batteries for the golf cart. If you want some exercise, you could walk the course...but you might want to bring a lot of water, a snake bite kit, and a tent. Project manager Alf Caputo said the course would give golfers the time of their lives, allowing them to engage in their favourite sport while enjoying the amazing scenery of the outback. Because you're traversing the Australian Outback, this is potentially the only golf course that could kill you over the course of play. Designers say that you'll encounter Kangaroos, heards of wild sheep, and dingos among other things. I assume the other things include rattlesnakes, scorpions, and creatues hell bent on fucking you up.

The course is actually only 8304 yards of playable golf when added up. The concept is that each little town along the southern coast hosts a single hole and the course becomes a tour of Australia as your head towards Perth. Sounds like a pretty cool little trip to me. What they don't tell you in your $50 green fees is that you'll have to pay for three nights of hotels as you go. It's those pesky hidden fees that get you! Construction is expected to finish next month and the inaugural tournament will be held on October 22, 2009. Talk about a golf getaway. Find out more info here.
These guys may never reach the next hole...

Romo: "No Mo' Papa Deaux!"

Tony Romo has finally broken up with Jessica Simpson - on the day before her 29th brithday. On July 13th, the day before Jess' big bash, Tony Romo decided he had finally had enough Papa Deaux, Popeyes, Red Lobster, and BoJangles to last him the rest of his life. Frustrated that all Simpson wanted to do was gorge on fried shrimp then have him rub her belly while she farted, Tony decided to end their relationship.

Simpson had planned to throw a Barbie and Ken-themed party for her birthday, but it fell through, according to a message she wrote on her Twitter page Saturday. "Barbie party didn't happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world." She then added 'Papa Deaux Fish Fry, here we come!!!' Upon hearing the news, Romo was heartbroken - he had just finished polishing his 'Ken Powerwheels' and donned his penis-tucking granny panties to complete the Ken getup. He then said something along the lines of 'Papa Deaux again?! Fuck that!'

Jess and Tony had been dating for quite a while. They had been through ups and downs, like Jess gaining a buttload of weight then losing it, Tony starting off on a path to the Superbowl then losing it, and both riding the TO coaster all the while. A friend of Jessica's said, "She is heartbroken, She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways." The friend made no mention of Simpson's addiction to coconut shrimp and her love of flatulence.

Man Dies From Pamplona Bull Flu

Spaniard Daniel Jimeno Romero, 27, is the first recorded death from Pamplona Bull Flu in 15 years. Doctors say that Romero's immunne system was unable to combat the deadly Bull Flu because of a weakened resistance to GIGANTICBULLHORNTOTHENECK, which is one of the major symptoms of Bull Flu. Doctors also found amounts of crack and stupidity in the victim's bloodstream. The last fatal flu case claimed the life of 22-year-old American Matthew Tassio in 1995, also in Pamplona.

Daniel Romero contracted his case of Bull Flu from a 515-kilogram killer bull, named Cappuccino. Romero just wanted to tenderly pet Cappuccino for a photo op, but ended up with the severe disease through an open wound in his neck. From the opening in his neck, the Bull Flu spread quickly along his spine , killing him within an hour. The latest fatality brings the death toll to 15 since records began in 1924.

We often see an influx of Bull Flu cases during the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, when many people come into close contact with the animals. At San Fermin, tourists and natives alike frolick gleefully with rampaging bulls over a half mile span. Because so many people want to meet and pet the majestic bulls, Pamplona festival officials hold eight (EIGHT!!!) meet-and-greets with the bulls.

Bull Flu can also be contracted anally as shown here - two gentlemen contract cases of Bull flu via the butthole. "ArGH, No, No, No, No AHHHH BULL FLUED AHHHHHH!!"

World Cup In Jeopardy Because of Workers Strike

Construction efforts on stadiums around South Africa came to a halt yesterday when workers went on strike demanding higher wages. SI reported that this stoppage could put next June's World Cup in serious jeopardy. It's Africa's first ever World Cup as a continent and would be a historic leap for South Africa were it to be pulled off flawlessly. Now with thousands of workers on strike and stadiums in at least 8 South African cities still not complete, the success of the World Cup hinges on the South African Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors to find a solution.

The minimum wage in SA is $200 per week. Some workers on those stadiums are earning $1.50 per hour, other make as little as $5 a week. The workers are asking for a 13% wage increase while they are only being offered a little over 10%. Seriously? Can't the federation whip out an extra .19 cents for the workers building these multi-million dollar stadiums at $1.50/hour?! Or how about the dude making $5 a week - couldn't we up his annual salary to $293.80/year?? I find it disgraceful that the South African Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors can pay these wages (under the table in cash) and get away with it. It's dispicable for them to be building hundred-million dollar stadiums where fans will pay $100 or more per ticket and to pay their construction workers $1.50 an hour. I would think government subsidies or even international/FIFA subsidies would help the cause. If the World Cup falls through in SA, I believe the blame can be placed on the South African Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors.

"The Congress of South African Trade Unions and the construction workers, are as passionate about the 2010 World Cup as anyone, and will do everything possible to ensure its success. But we will not tolerate the stadiums being built by workers who are underpaid or working in dangerous or unhealthy conditions,'' the organization said in a statement. Danny Jordaan, chief executive of the local organizing committee, said the strike would soon be resolved and was confident the stadiums will be completed on schedule. "The construction workers have been the lifeblood of the 2010 FIFA World Cup project. Their hard work has ensured that we are on track to meet our deadlines and that our stadiums will be among the best in the world next year,'' he said in a statement.

The stadiums must be complete by this December in accordance with FIFA rules. This gives time to test all the stadiums functionally, structurally, etc for the June start of the tournament. If the strike extends much further, that December deadline will be fast-approaching which will lead to rushed work if/when the strike is resolved. I don't know what FIFA's backup plan is, but I would assume that a European country that is equipped with the stadiums to handle the event would step in. I submit my vote for Sweden...

Gina Carano: Don't Be Scurrrred!

Gina Carano on FSN for the science of sports show. It goes through the basic stuff like 'how hard does she punch/kick' and how fast can she deliver her eight deadly blows. Carano apparently kicks with 800 ft-lbs of force. Pretty hefty and I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of those 'bows either. The good stuff starts around the 4-minute mark. Gina is going to choke out FSN's host to show him how the rear naked choke hold works. The dude is clearly frightened and Gina replies with a cute, "aww, don't be scrrred!"

I'd let her rear naked choke hold me, preferably without the choke part. Plus, she cradles him ever-so-tenderly after he's passed out so that he doens't bump his head. Maybe she can save me from a burning building or something. That'd be a good day.

Gina is back to the ring on August 15th to fight her arch nemesis, Cyborg. I'm pumped - though I'm a bit confused on why she decided to join Strikeforce instead of UFC. Gina said it was truly becuase she felt it was better for women's MMA and that Strikeforce gave her the chance to fight the best women, like Cyborg. One day, I know that UFC will take over the MMA world and be the only entity left. It's far to popular to eventually absorb Strikeforce just like it did several other mixed-martial arts promoters. Til then, I will be supporting Strikeforce by watching Gina's fights.

July 5th, Birth of the Bikini

In my hungover stupor from Independence Day celebrations, I have neglected to pay my utmost respects to the anniversary that occurs each day following July 4th. On July 5th, 1946, French engineer and inventor Louis Reard invented the bikini and men around the world stood up and applauded. I overlooked this glorious epiphany of a day, and for that I apologize profusely to my readers. So today the 6th, I will look back to yesterday and celebrate the 5th of July - what I'd like to call 'Bikini Day'.

For many millenia, man had sought ways to get women to expose their breasts in a way that would trick them into thinking they were being fashionable. Louis Reard discovered just how to do that - he unveiled the bikini at a popular French pool called the Piscine Molitor. Parisian showgirl Micheline Bernardini modeled the skimpy swimwear that Reard had named after the Bikini Atoll. Bikini had made news the previous week when the US conducted a nuclear bomb tests on the atoll. Leveraging a hot babe, posh location, and big current events, Reard found the perfect marketing formula and declared, "bring on the boobies!" Or in French, "mettre sur la boobies!"

Another French designer, Jacques Heim, simultaneously created a prototype of the bikini. Heim called his the "atom" and declared it "the world's smallest bathing suit." But Reard's was basically a bra top and two inverted triangles of cloth connected by string, and was in fact significantly smaller. Made out of a scant 30 inches of fabric, Reard promoted his creation as "smaller than the world's smallest bathing suit." I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT THE MAN WAS A GENIUS. He even demanded that a two-piece suit not be called a bikini unless the whole thing could be pulled through a wedding ring - again, this thing was tiny. The bikini was a massive hit by the 1950s, but didn't hit big until the 1960s in a prudish United States.

I'd like to propose a moment of silence to remember Louis Reard. He may have been a little perv for the 1940s, but without him we wouldn't have the likes of Marisa Miller, Bar Rafaeli, or even Cindy Crawford and Elle Macpherson.

RIP Billy Mays

While everyone was clamoring over Michael Jackson's funeral and bural ceremonies, Billy Mays was laid to rest. This past weekend, Billy was honored and buried outside of Pittsburgh. "He sold more OxiClean than Andy Warhol sold Campbell's Soup," cousin Dean Panizzi said in his eulogy of Mays. Andy Warhol was also from Pittsburgh and his famous multi-colored portrait for soup cans boosted sales massively for Campbell's. May's pallbearers included his son, Billy Mays Jr. and co-host of Discovery Channel's Pitchmen, Anthony "Sully" Sullivan. Panizzi's eulogy also evoked May's famous take on life - a play on the 'Life's a bitch, and then you die' phrase - "Life's a pitch, and then you buy."

Mays signature voice and black beard became somewhat of a pop culture icon when he began selling Orange-Glo, Oxiclean, and Chopit (a precursor and rival of Slapchop). We all own some product that Mays sold - I've got some traditional oxiclean, some oxiclean foaming all-purpose cleaner, and some oxiclean for pets, then again maybe I'm a little overboard. Mays also parodied himself in doing some ESPN 360 commercials.

I even enjoyed the discovery channel show which showcased Billy and Anothony Sullivan as pitchmen/producers who evaluated and sold products in their infomercial format. I'll miss Billy and all his awesome gadgets. Vince from shamWow and Slapchop cna't compete, Mays was the best and he will be missed!

Can't Keep This Cooter Out of Your Bed

Ex-Tennessee Volunteers QB, Jim Bob Cooter, was arrested on July 1st for going to sleep in a random bed. This bed happened to be in a random woman's house while said random woman was in the house/bed. Now, most of you are thinking, 'Jim Bob should know better than that, shouldn't he?' But first of all, he goes by the name Jim Bob, not James Robert - his given name. Why anyone would choose to do that to themselves is beyond me. Especially when your last name is Cooter... it doesn't get anymore redneck than that.

NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM

Knoxville Police were called to a home on July 1st in the Fort Sanders area. When officers arrived, they heard the caller screaming. They burst into the home, and saw the woman running out of her bedroom, screaming that a burglar was in her room. Cooter clearly didn't belong in that bed. He was arrested and held on $10,000 bond. Cooter offered no explanation for his bedroom presence and refused to answer police questions.

Cooter was mostly a backup on the Vols sqaud, though he did see some playing time. He served as a graduate assistant after school through 2007. This means he was referred to as Coach Cooter - almost as hilarious to me as the name Jim Bob. I'm not entirely sure what will happen to Jim Bob, but I'm sure that entering someone else's bed without their permission is a crime, even in Tennessee.

Bar Refaeli's Nudity Will Make You an Art Lover

This ad is something I can truly appreciate. It is a black and white commercial from Bar's home country of Israel that supposedly promotes a new art exhibition, but I only noticed the nudity and rolling around in a bed part. Gotta love foreign commercials! If this was run in the US, one religion or another would get all upset and/or PETA would demand that Refaeli save baby seals in the nude. Whatever art show this ad is supposed to promote, I'm in. I'm sold, done and done.

Bar Refaeli is still riding the wave of popularity from being 2009's Sport Illustrated swimsuit edition cover model. Though one of my friends will claim she's been around for a long time and he called her firsties! He just wants to settle down with a nice Jewish girl I guess, go get her Ian! I just must hope that Bar doesn't fall for some not-quite-ready-for-prime-time tennis player like Brooklyn Decker did with Andy Roddick. That would be one of the worst tragedies to beset man since Megan Fox and The BAG.

Welcome to Summer Camp! I'll be Your Counselor, Michael Vick!

Michael Vick is just wrapping up negotiations on a new contract deal. Unfortunately it's not with the NFL - it's with the Boys and Girls Club of Hampton, VA. Vick had been toiling as a construction laborer for $10/hr since his release from prison, but rumor has it that this will involve a big salary boost (some estimate over $12/hr!) along with lots more benefits like all the Hawaiian Punch one can drink, nap time, and help learning to read. Plus Vick will be well suited to entertain the kids with his funny alter ego characters such as Ron Mexico, goofy-STD-patient-guy!

Vick will be working with children on health and fitness activities in the Hampton Roads area says Steven Kast, CEO of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Virginia Peninsula. Besides from the fat cash and the free Hawaiian Punch, Vick hopes to make a difference in the Hamptons. Mostly because we're not talking Long Island, New York here. We're talking Hampton, Virginia where crime is not uncommon. Vick's doggie troubles wrecked his finances as well as his reputation. Once the NFL's highest-paid player, Vick filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in July 2008, listing assets of $16 million and liabilities of $20.4 million.

But I'm glad that Vick is making the effort. He's doing some good in the community that he grew up in. He will learn some humility making only a workman's wage and will hopefully come out better for it. Maybe he'll get a shot in the NFL someday once Roger Goodell decides to open the evil arms of the empire back up to Michael.