Kristen Stewart Is All Up In My Face

Kristen Stewart is definitely the jeans and t-shirt, girl-next-door type who is cute beyond belief. The only problem is she's in that silly Twilight movies series and therefore is all up in my grill when I'm trying to watch TV, go to the movies, buy groceries, read the paper, or knock back a slurpee. Kristen was great in Adventureland and definitely exudes the "I'm so smart I don't need to speak" aura, which is sexy and great. Only problem she's too cool and hip to be the leading lady in this 1 and a half hour Hollister commercial! Twilight is basically the cutting edge of douchey Abercrombie-wearing vampire movies.

I think Twilight started as a book series - I assume it was a pop-up/scratch-and-sniff book written primarily for 4th graders, though admittedly, my background research for this rant was minimal. The movie makes it more accessible to all the fans who couldn't read the words and just had to effectively follow along with the shiny pictures. How it blew up into this phenomenon is beyond me though - I guess I underestimated far-reaching social impact Hot Topic... Now with Stewart playing "Bella", I can barely peruse the tabloid mags in the checkout line without seeing Kristen and her twilight cronies. This November alone she'll be covergirl in Allure and Interview Magazine. Her cuteness and laissez-faire attitude definitely warrant the coverage, but this is for all the wrong reasons!

I guess what I'm trying to say, Kristen, is I need some space. I've been seeing too much of your lately and it's wearing on me. I think we both need to take a step back and rethink things. Whether you like it or not, you're Bella from Twilight for many years to come. You'll be on teenage girls' binders and trapper keepers for the next decade. You have obligations and responsibilities and so do I and we're just clashing right now. It's unhealthy. Plus you're always with that pale guy with the awkward forehead. So let's slow it down and just go with the flow, ok? PS, you're hot.